The Night Before

I can not sleep with the knowing
The darkness, the emptiness
Is all of my choosing.
I try not to enumerate my failings
Though it would seem that I should
Never reach the end of that list…
I remember one day wondering
If you or I had taken care
of something important
something so very important
that had never crossed our minds
yet just this time
just this time laying beside you
I had an epiphany.
We are selfish and careless
And the world is closing in around us
But we just don’t care.
Not to fight back or take
A stand or organize a protest
We fight in our sleep
Reality like an intruder has entered our minds
Rousing our otherwise peaceful state of self delusion.
Our love does not exist in the real world…
Though we fantasize about it’s success
never knowing the sting of perseverance
Or long suffering
I can not sleep.
So I fill my mind with
Novelty and collapse
With a few hours to spare for exhaustion
I want for so much more than
My own mediocrity…
Sleep a little while longer my love
I will tell you of my dreams in the morning.